Sometimes not getting what you want…

My second most important musing on life has been a difficult one to accept at times.

fiftyatfifty meme number 2A

After I broke up with Lamby, the third and final time, I found myself living on my own in Toronto, my heart broken, my dreams shattered. Upon hearing of my break up, one of my dear friends Kelly sent me a card in the mail that had a picture of the Buddha on it amid a field of foliage with the caption, “Sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck”.

I didn’t agree. I felt like at 35 years of age, I should have been married with two children  and that I was the unluckiest soul to have ever lived – not to mention, undesirable, unlovable, and unmarriable (even though that isn’t a word). Now, when I look back, I can see that there have been many times when I wanted my life to go a certain direction but fate, kismet, the Universe, a broken GPS, call it what you will, took me down a different path.

I wanted to get married when I was 21 but my father had a massive heart attack so I left behind my dream of starting a family to tend to him. As a result, I spent seven and a half years by his side learning just how great my capacity for love and compassion could be. I wouldn’t trade those years for anything.

I wanted to move on with my life and thought I could do it with Lamby. When I found myself alone, heartbroken and mad at the world, I took pen to paper to sort out my feelings. As a result, “Sex and Samosas” began to take form.

I wanted a higher level job that would have meant more money but less time to write. I didn’t get it. As a result, I finished “Sex and Samosas” and was able to see my dream turn into reality.

I wanted a traditional publisher for my novel but was rejected so many times that I decided to go the indie route instead. As a result, I learned about publishing and marketing while reaping the reward of full creativity around my work and I now own a publishing company that has two titles to its name. Look out Penguin Random House!

When I look back, so much of the letdowns around not getting what I thought I wanted have led me back to my true path and love: writing.

With each ‘setback’, I summoned more determination to drive myself forward. That isn’t to say that the rejections and obstacles don’t hurt. They friggin’ do!

I have, however, found that denying the pain is often quite damaging so I do allow myself a 24 hour pity party whenever I don’t get something I have my heart set on, then I dust myself off and reset my intentions.

I know that sounds easy but cheating with cider and chocolate also helps 🙂

So thank you cider, chocolate and the Universe, for giving me the wisdom to see past my urge to giggle at the word “stroke” on a greeting card that ended up teaching me one of life’s great lessons.

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