Back when I used to sell vibrators, a large part of my product line was also lingerie. When I first started I would lug a heavy clothing rack, neatly arrange all the lace pieces on it and espouse the wonder of the fabrics, the price and the overall cute factor. I was repeatedly told the same thing: “What’s the point Jasmine? You spend $80 on something and it ends up on the floor in two minutes.”
That’s a tough point to argue. “But it’s on sale…and you’ll look so pretty,” only got me so far. And then I did a party for some real life models. I mean the kind that tower over you, have flawless features and look like they may fall over if a strong wind were to blow through the room. They had the very bodies that pose in the pieces of lace and chiffon on magazine covers. So when the lingerie was presented, I was excited to be able to sell them frilly things that would look stunning on them.
“I’d feel self-conscious in that,” one said.
“I don’t want to pay that much for something that will end up on the floor,” another said.
“I’m too fat for that,” was the last comment I heard.
“Are you girls kidding me? You’ll look gorgeous in these! If I had your bodies, I would grocery shop naked!” They either avoided making eye contact with me or fumbled with their penis pencils. Yes, I gave them penis pencils…for dick-tation of course 🙂
I realized there was no point in appealing to them as the sexual goddesses I could see they were when none of them seemed to feel the same way about themselves. I took out the crotchless panties and proceeded to tell them the five reasons every woman should have a pair in her drawer (some pun intended).
Reason two: If you are having sex with a man, never underestimate how visual they can be. These panties look stunning on and fluff up your lady bits into a visual feast he can focus on.
Reason three: And if your partner is a man, let’s face it, he may have no clue what he’s doing down there. With these panties on, you can guide him by keeping it really simple and telling him to “stay inside the lines”.
Reason four: Having the panties on is an incredible experience because half your mind thinks you are wearing clothes, but the other half thinks you are naked. It’s a great way to trick your biggest sex organ: your brain – into relaxing into the sensuality of the experience and allowing yourself to feel less inhibited if you think you are still partially clothed.
Reason five: If you’re having a bad day, and let’s face it, we all have those, put on a skirt, wear your crotchless panties and go grocery shopping. The feel of the breeze against your skin combined with the mixed signals your brain will give you thinking you are both naked and dressed in the local Farm Boy will ensure that you spend your time smiling and not focusing on your sorrows. Sure, you may go home with a lot more frozen food than you intended – that frosty draft up your skirt can be a real turn on – but it will totally be worth it!
That night almost every one of those models left with a pair of these panties. Several of them emailed me later to tell me that they had engaged in some of the best sex of their lives while wearing them because they felt so relaxed and natural. And one statuesque beauty in particular who told me that she had to wear a t-shirt every time she had sex said she finally ditched the jersey, wore the panties and had her first orgasm. Those are the kinds of moments that made that job one of the best I ever had.
And you don’t need Valentine’s Day as an excuse to wear these panties. Wear them at your high school reunion. You won’t care that your old school rival Jenny has a million dollar home, franchised her business, three children all in medical school and four cars in her driveway. You’ll be standing by the open doors of the gymnasium relishing every brisk breeze that wafts up your skirt and smiling like you’ve won the lottery.
Wear them to your next birthday party. Not happy about the clock advancing across your face, time ravaging your skin and gravity pulling on things that were once perky? Then slap on the panties, fluff up your business and raise a glass to embracing your shape and aging with grace.
Wear them whenever you want to seduce your brain. Because quite simply, if you aren’t seducing it, how can you expect anyone else to?
So why not take a trip down to Wicked Wanda’s Adult Emporium or visit their online store and pick yourself out a pair of crotchless panties?
I promise you, it’s a “hole” other adventure just waiting to happen…